I love this quote! Even though I do not believe this 100%, I still can see the humor and the glimpse of truth in it. I truly feel that our biological family is just our way of coming into the world. We should be grateful for this path that allowed us to be here in this body at this point in time. In light of this, I do feel that there is too much emphasis placed on the biological family unit. I know there are some families that get along well and are supportive of each other, but these seem to be few and far between in my experience. In my life I have come to realize that sometimes family can be detrimental to ones inner being and self-confidence. It is from this perspective that I am writing.

For years I have been encouraged to put the needs of family above myself and my own needs. While I can understand that for some family is something that makes them feel grounded and love, for others it is a tie to a painful past full of selfishness and deep hurts. It took me a long time to get to a place where I go let go of the programming that I need to be somewhere I didn’t want to be and be someone I didn’t want to be for the needs of my relations.With that being said let me tell you a little bit about my family. I have a very large family, a biological paternal side, a stepfather and his family and my maternal side. That is over 100 people I have been programmed to make happy. I never knew my biological father. I learned from the internet that he had passed away 7 months prior to my looking for him. I knew some of biological fathers family but I have been separated from them for over 15 years. My step father was not a positive influence in my life, so when I was old enough I made the hard decision to separate from them. The maternal side of my family is who I grew up the closest with and the ones that ended up causing me the most pain. It was in this large group of  people that I learned the hardest lessons in my life. And even though these lessons were harsh and direct, I am a better person for having lived through it. It has not been until very recently that I was able to really feel that statement. I knew it logically but to have your inner emotions match up with that is another story. So now, I am beginning to step out of the haze of my pain and begin to see life clearly again.

The pressure that families can put on a person is quite amazing. I felt this from the time I was a teenager. My maternal family has been built around competition and manipulation. And theses are lessons that came from previous generations and passed down without any awareness. It was just the way they were raised and without a lot of presence and awareness can be a very hard thing to overcome. It is from this place that I am grateful for my lessons that have allowed my awareness of these issues. For without them I would be continuing the cycle of dysfunction to my children.

Over the last 20 years I began building a small group of people who today I am proud to call my family. In my life trust is a valued gift that I do not extend to everyone. I have been fortunate to have many amazing people come into my life and the lives of my children. Some of these people I am actually related to, but many I have no genetic link to at all. Even without that link, I feel a bond with them that is as good as family, or in my case better. I know that this amazing group of people love me for who I am without any strings attached. They have no motivation to change me or get anything out of me, which to me is what family should be. I am so deeply in love with these amazing people of all different ages and from different walks of life. To all of you, I love you and I can not begin to express my gratitude for your presence in my life!

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves” and I have chosen very well! To my friends from the bottom of my heart!

Love,
Michelle